I have below a personal history of a Kundalini Awakening and the aftermath …. this comes from my very good friend and guide Brigitte Arora. I am interested in this as the process began for me many months ago …. I will stay humble, grateful and surrender to this experience.
The following was experienced and written by Brigitte Arora
Kundalini – Power from Below
Kundalini is the energy that powers our biological life. It is the generator out of which the fires of life are stoked. It is the sustainer and regulator of our life force and the driving power that fuels our evolutionary, Transformative journey. The main goal of a fully risen Kundalini is to Awaken us to the state of a Higher Consciousness. A Consciousness that exists between the lower Consciousness of this world of duality and an ever-higher Consciousness that belongs to the Transcendent realms of Oneness. The Kundalini power can change us quickly and dramatically: Transforming our old animal body and psyche into a spiritual one.
Kundalini power has nothing to do with religion. However, it has been incorporated to become part and parcel of many religions and cults. Kundalini is a Sanskrit word that means coil; coiled like a snake. It is also referred to as the Serpent Power or the Serpent Fire. Throughout human history, Kundalini has been represented by the symbols of the serpent, fire and the snake. When the snake is shown as coiled it represents Kundalini in Her dormant state. When it is shown coming out of the crown on top of the head, it symbolizes the field of energy of a risen Kundalini.
Kundalini power comes from below. She lies in the perineum and is held stable and secure at the sacrum on the spinal column. There She rests dormant until She is Awakened. Once Awakened, She begins to move upwards along the spine. And as She ascends, her main targets are the seven psychic ‘centers’ that are situated along the spinal column. However, She can diverge at any point and spread out into all parts of the body. Her work is to cleanse and alter the organs and all other systems that compose the body.
Her circuit begins in the area of the genitals and ends at the crown of the head. When fully aroused, She will pierce through the crown; the area often referred to as the Sahasrara. There are also three main psychic nerves, known as ‘nadis’. The main nadis, which follows the path of the spinal cord, is called the Sushumna. This is the main channel through which Kundalini ascends and descends. There are also two minor nadis. The one running up the left side of the spinal column is called the Ida and considered to be the feminine, cooling, and intuitive energy. The one running up the right side is called the Pingala and believed to be the masculine, rational energy.
Like electricity the Kundalini energy is neutral; She does not discriminate. She breaks down all the barriers within the physical body and removes ‘knots’ that are blocking the major centers or ‘chakras’. These centers are the main distributors of Her energy. Through Her cleansing power, She begins to alter these centers until they are fully opened and Transformed.
The cleansing process begins at the base of the spine, which is the lowest center; called the Muladhara. From there, she gradually works Her way up to the crown center at the top of the head, known as the Sahasrara. It takes years or many life times for a center to be fully cleansed and opened. After all the centers have been cleaned and Transformed, they will be connected and work together in united harmony. This is the first goal that needs to be accomplished in order to continue the Transformation of our current biological body.
The ultimate goal of the Kundalini power is to Transmute the physical body of the old man. Out of the old body She will forge a new body – one that will be formed and sustained by the vibrations of a higher frequency level. This new body will be the form for a New Species – called Cosmic Man. Cosmic Man will have his roots in the Transcendent Realm. Cosmic Man’s Beingness resides within a Higher Consciousness. He is a Being who is united and in Aware contact with his Soul and indirectly with The Divine.
In most people, Kundalini is by and large in a dormant state. Very few are Aware of Her existence and Her purpose. However, there are times in people’s’ lives when She is aroused for short moments to a small degree, due to some enchanted moment of pleasure. Most, who experience these unexpected moments, simply refer to them as a ‘chill up my spine’. Who has not felt at one time or another, this cool tingling stream that runs up the back of our spine and that sometime continues to move up to the head; making our ‘hair stand on end’. This stream of coolness is Kundalini on the move!
Kundalini can be aroused to action by something as simple as a sunrise, listening to our favorite music, reading an inspirational book or being absorbed in a joyful reverie. She can also Awaken spontaneously during moments of crisis when we receive an emotional or physical shock. She may also become active during childbirth due to prolonged pain and from repeated pressure being exerted on the area of the perineum. Mind-altering drugs and prolonged periods of sexual arousal can also Awaken Her. The main trigger for Her arousal occurs when the lower self-conscious personality and the Ego – are relegated to the background of Awareness by the quieting of the mind.
Kundalini power can be roused to rise to higher levels and Her stay on some levels can be prolonged. This is done through the practice of various yogic disciplines and through intense meditations. If someone who may not be ready to receive Her power intentionally activates Her, it can be highly dangerous. We must be advanced far enough on our Evolutionary path, so that our physical body has already begun to adjust itself to a higher vibrational level. A receiver must be physically healthy in order for the body to be able to tolerate and sustain Her forceful energy. We must also be mentally and emotionally stable enough to deal with whatever results are brought about by her suddenly Awakening us to an altered reality.
The power of Kundalini not only creates but can also destroy – by burning out our entire biological system! The brain and the nervous system of the old body bear the brunt of the pressure exerted by Kundalini’s forceful energy. Through Her cleansing, sensitivity is greatly increased. The physical body, the emotions, and the intellect become sensitized to a degree, which is out of proportion with what is normally bearable when we are within our normal lower self-personality only. The lower self-world has now become a hazardous environment for our well-being. We must find a way to re-adjust our Self to our old world. This is one of the most difficult adjustments we have to make on our journey of Awakening.
At rare times the Kundalini can, without any warning, spontaneously erupt in someone in all Her full-blown power. She will have made a complete circuit, moving up from the genital area to the top of the crown in the head. This spontaneous rising appears to happen often to those who have never even heard of Kundalini and it can also happen to those who are not leading an Aware spiritual life. They will have been prepared for this moment over the centuries of earlier life times. Perhaps, this sudden, out-of-the-blue, spontaneous rising is a final test – an opportunity to take this crucial defining moment in their Evolutionary journey and fully enter in or through fear of change and the unknown – let it slip by again.
If Kundalini rises and Awakens someone who has no knowledge of Kundalini and is not Evolutionary ready, then the receiver “is in peril”! It is dangerous even for those who have been preparing for this moment. The impact of the experience is so overwhelming and so astonishing that we will questions our sanity. We are left in a stunned state and simply cannot comprehend what has happened! Intuition tells us that it is best not to mention this to anyone. And we are right – who would believe such a far-fetched story!
In my case, it was the descent of Grace that was my salvation. Grace channeled the Kundalini power upwards. At the same ‘instant’ when the Kundalini fire ascended and reached Its highest point at the crown of the head – She descended and sent the Kundalini energy into the vertical Transcendent realms. And through this fusion, Self-Realization was triggered.
When the power of Kundalini pierced through the crown of my head, I found myself behind a wall of flames – a wall of flaming red fire! As I flowed forwards, the flames began to part swiftly; opening up more and more all around me. I found myself flowing into paler shades of red that turned into ever lighter orange hues which suddenly opened up to a soft white light without any boundaries. When I – who was only a bodiless pinpoint of Consciousness suddenly entered into this white light – I knew I had come Home. The group of Beings who greeted me with Joy, Love and Compassions – were my Immortal Family.
The descent of Grace is the saving moment for those who have a spontaneous full-blown Kundalini rising. Without Grace channeling the Kundalini power into the vastness of our spiritual Beingness, the Kundalini power would descend back down and be absorbed by our lower self-conscious personality – where through the ignorance of our lower self-ego values, the Kundalini power would be able to be misused for the darkest of worldly gains.
Why are some fortunate enough to have the benefit of Grace? I can only surmise at this point, that Grace comes to assist those whose time has come for this momentous and crucial turning-point on their Evolutionary journey. This is a leap into freedom – one that will take us out of the dark confines of the ‘fishbowl’ of our lower self-Conscious personality and establish our roots within the Consciousness of our Higher Self. And this is accomplished through our birth into Self-Realization.
Help for obtaining deliverance from bondage to our lower self-Conscious personality only comes after we have surrendered our ego and our self-will. Only when we have stood alone in our nakedness and vulnerability and have felt our smallness within the vastness of Existence are we humbled into surrendering to a Power that is beyond our understanding. It is then that Grace comes: picks us up – dusts us off – and points us in the right direction.
Few, who have had a spontaneous rising of a full-blown Kundalini, culminating in Self-Realization, reveal this to anyone until many years have passed and some never do. However, after some years some would like to share it with others – in fact, feel compelled to spread the good news about the knowledge received through Self-Realization. This is especially true, while one is still in the first stages of exhilaration from the Self-Realization “high”. Yet, we know that the experience would sound too other worldly to be believable. We know that our account would most likely be taken as the ravings from a drug induced, delusional episode.
Once the initial euphoria of Self-Realization has calmed down to a level where our better reason prevails, we feel disinclined to reveal such an intensely intimate experience. How could we even find the right words – for explaining the unexplainable. Especially, when we ourselves don’t even understand the how, why and the ‘now-what’ of the entire mystery which had transpired.
There are some who will eventually discuss their Kundalini Awakening. But on average, it takes twenty or more years before we feel ready, because much time is needed to come to terms with the experience and to reach an understanding of what had happened and for what purpose. Most have a need to discover whether or not they have a mission to fulfill and, if they have an obligation to share it with others. If so, then one must find by what medium this sharing is to be accomplished.
Some will receive a ‘call’ which is too strong to ignore. It will drive them far from home – a home that for some has now become an oppressive environment. They can no longer breathe in the old world. It has suddenly shrunk to insignificance and feels confining and suffocating. The attachments that they have with others and for their material possessions are now all unraveling. Giving up all security and stability is the price they are willing to pay in order to follow this siren ‘call’. An inner summons that evokes a powerful yearning to go out into the freedom of the unknown in a quest for knowledge and understanding. Sometimes the “call” comes to go to a specific place and it cannot be ignored for long.
A few might retreat into a reclusive life. Some might simply continue on in their old environment and circumstances but search for a way of incorporating their new understanding and their new value system into their old life in a productive way. To use their new knowledge not only for themselves but also to help others. Some might continue on as always, spending the rest of their lives suppressing what they have experienced and learned. Rejecting and trying to stifle their newfound Consciousness – will split them in two. The opportunity to integrate their lower self-Conscious personality with their Higher Consciousness will be lost. Some will never reveal their Enlightenment but work quietly giving a helping hand to those who are in need: be it humans or animals. Through Self-Realization on obtains the knowledge that “All is always what it’s meant to be”. A great comfort when grappling with difficult situations.
Kundalini has ignited to Her fullest potency. Her internal fire is now burning: cleansing and transforming all the layers of the deep-rooted cellular structure of our personality through the Transmutation of our physical body But, she takes the route of least resistance. Therefore, she can rise up as well as descend. If Her full power descends and settles back down into our lower self-conscious Awareness, then Her force will only reinforce our ego personality. Our ego will now be in a position to seize and use all our new gotten powers for its own desires.
The direction and force of the Kundalini fire depends on the level of our Evolutionary ripeness Her goal is not only to Transmute and strengthen the new vibratory frequency for the new body that She is creating for us but also to search out all our emotional and intellectual weaknesses. She will uncover them all; bringing them to the surface for us to see. She will force us to come face to face with the reality that is our Self and we will never be able to hide from our Self again. From now on, we will stand naked before the Beingness that we are.
All the hidden forces off our desires, impulses and our repressed denials will now come to the surface to be exposed and laid bare to our Awareness. Our mental control and willpower will be greatly weakened and overridden by Her dominance over all our actions. Without any comprehension of what is really happened to us and to where it will all lead; we would most likely find our self-incapacitated by uncertainty and fear.
A tremendous power is now racing through our body: a power that is not under our control. We are completely at Her mercy! We feel as if we have been taken over – and we have! The Kundalini energy is now charging throughout our entire system, contacting and touching all the parts of our Beingness. Her fire and Her Transformative intent will spare nothing. All we can do is ‘hang-on’ until She subsides back down to a level where we can regain a controllable balance for our Self.
Under the powerful influence of the Kundalini fire; our body, emotions and mind are functioning in a totality of disorder. Our central nervous system has lost its equilibrium. All our senses are heightened: colors, all movements and any and all disharmonies excruciatingly strike our heightened sensitivity. There are times when a pin dropping can sound like a bomb going off. Our overwrought nervous system is assaulted from all sides by the normal everyday sounds of society. Our body and emotions are engulfed in the vortex of a high voltage current. Our endocrine system is overly exerted and excited – particularly the pituitary, our master gland. Our system is being bombarded with excessive adrenaline and flooded with surging hormones. We are very Aware of all our emotions as they happening but have little control over them. One minute they are up and the next minute they are down. We know that we are not our emotions. However, as long as we are in this unbalanced state, we often don’t have the strength needed to be an objective observer.
The sex center is also overly aroused and we might find ourselves caught up in sexual fantasies; even to the point of trying to make them actually come about. I sensed a distinct division between the male and female aspect within myself: the animus and the anima. It seemed the masculine part of myself had come to the forefront and was now the dominating force of the sexual center. I experienced the one-pointed, aggressive rawness of male lust. That experience made me realize how much self-discipline the male of our species must learn in order to restrain his natural sex drive. This is made even more difficult when living in a society that promotes sex and aggression at every turn!
I was shocked and awed by this powerful and all-consuming drive and how it could drown out all other considerations in its pursuit for sexual conquest. It takes a strong-willed effort to bring the heightened urges of the sex center under control. And a strong willpower is exactly what we don’t have at that time, but we must find it. If we don’t, we might become a prime candidate for a mental and physical breakdown! There is a good chance that we might embarrass our self to no end through our run amok sexual escapades or worse, commit criminal sexual acts.
Kundalini will continue to manifest Itself in various ways throughout our bodily structure. We might begin to experience cold waves undulating through different parts of our body. We might feel that we are freezing and that we are unable to get warm, even though we are in the heat of summer. We might wake at night, thinking that our bed is shaking when it is actually our body that is vibrating inwardly. This is caused by a pulsating surge of power that comes in wave-like movements, which travel up and down our spine. At times we can actually hear a loud humming sound produced by this power’s vibrations. This humming sound is similar to the sound produced by high-tension wires.
We might experience severe and persistent itching, mainly on the scalp and the arms. This itching is a pulsating, crawling sensation that is fixed in one place. It can almost drive us mad because no amount of scratching can alleviate it. We might feel chronic pains in certain areas of our body. Some pains continued off and on for years; yet physical examinations found no cause for these pains. There might be episodes when our body feels elongated and we have a sense of floating rather than walking. At these times our body feels weightless and we do not feel our feet touching the ground.
There were times when I felt myself to be physically invincible. I took several falls, which under normal circumstance would have caused injuries. However, each time they occurred, it felt like an invisible force cushioned me against an impact with the ground. I had a sense of my body being supported and then being gently eased down to the ground. I always observed myself when falling and the falls always occurred in slow motion. At these times I didn’t feel connected to my body and watched from afar, as if I were a spectator.
The body will cry out for release through physical movements and we will intuitively take up strenuous activities. I felt a desire to go hiking, climbing hills and walking for ten or more miles each day, without feeling in the least tired. This hiking was normally done in the full heat of summer. This need for movement was overpowering and occupied most of my attention for the next three years. I only learned later, that this excessive need for movement was a critical necessity for discharging the excessive energy racing through my system. Again, Intuition had served me well!
We might feel obsessively confined when indoors and feel that we cannot breathe. We have a compelling need to be outside under the open sky and to be in touch with the sights and sounds of Mother Nature’s tranquility. I had a craving to be out in the sun. I couldn’t get enough sunlight or enough heat. My body kept thirsting for more. The body seemed to receive nourishment from the heat of the sun. The heat did not sap my strength no matter how hot it was; it seemed to only give me more energy.
The body began to crave more natural and simpler foods. Eating meat became repulsive to my body and eventually I became a vegetarian. It was not my mind’s desire but the body that rejected meat, fish and fowl. The mind continued off and on, for some years, to crave the old meat-eating diet and at times I gave in. But each time after eating meat, I would feel repulsed and gradually my mind stopped craving it. The new, more spiritualized body being forged requires a meatless lighter diet. It is only the old animal body that desires to eat other animals.
If we want to continue to move forward with our spiritual Transformation, we must now practice the redirecting of our focus. We must choose to take only those decisions that follow the path of the Higher Values and reject those that reinforce the values of our old lower Self personality. Each time we choose to live by a Higher Value, our lower Self Consciousness will shrink and our Higher Self Consciousness will expand. The increasing ability to stay for longer and longer periods within the Higher Self-Conscious state, depends on the increase of our Awareness. And our Awareness is lodged within the fundamental core of our Essence: that which is our Immortal Beingness!
It is now imperative that we become an Aware and vigilant partner with the Kundalini process. There will be many times when Her power will try to seduce us with temptations – temptations which will take us away from our goal of spiritual growth. When a temptation is placed before us we must make an Aware choice of whether to move forward into the realm of Higher Values or to give in to our ego; thereby, reinforcing the values of our lower Self Consciousness. As long as we remain under the influence of our ego, it will fight us tooth-and-nail in order to appropriate all temptations for its own purpose. This is why it is so important that our willpower and our determination to move forward on our spiritual path remains steadfast.
We might find our self suddenly in possession of occult powers, also referred to as siddhis. We might gain the ability to read people’s minds or find that we can see their auras. We might also know what events are going to happen, before they do. We are likely to have visions and prophetic dreams. We might acquire a mesmerizing and appealing personal power that draws people to us.
These powers have nothing to do with spiritual growth and no matter how fascinating they are, they are almost always misused by ego controlled human beings. We must not get caught up by them but pass them by. Many well-intentioned leaders of spiritual organizations in the East and the West, have been overcome and corrupted by their personal powers. They became con artists, harming many trusting and sincere seekers in their lust for control over others, for sex and money and for their need to be worshiped. Those who get trapped by these powers will eventually have to reap a high spiritual price.
I was blessed by the coming of Grace. The Divine Grace was my salvation! She descended in order to guide the Kundalini power upwards into the Transcendent Sphere. As Grace descended, at that same instant, the Kundalini energy ascended and pierced through the crown of my head. When this fusion happened, Grace used Her authority to direct the Kundalini energy upwards: in the direction necessary for the activation of Self-Realization. While at the same time, preventing the Kundalini energy from moving downward into the Ego personality. In this way, Grace brings about Self-Realization for those Beings whose evolutionary turning point is at-hand.
The purpose for Self-Realization is to comprehend who we really are and bringing about a Transformation of our Consciousness. It is an all-encompassing Transformation of the physical core of our Beingness – of the ability to have objective Awareness of our ‘Self’. This is done through the gradual elimination of our lower Self-Conscious state by promoting and Evolving into the growth of a Higher Conscious state. The resulting fusion of the two – brings forth a third state of consciousness – Cosmic Consciousness. This is the state of Consciousness within which the next species of Man will have his Beingness.
Once Self-Realization has been activated, the Kundalini energy will again retreat downward. However, she will never retreat fully back to her earlier den from which she has now broken free. She will remain at a level where She can support the immediate aftereffects of all that Self-Realization produced. In my case, it took approximately three years for Her to subside to a point, where I was once more in a balanced enough state to continue on with my daily activities. The Kundalini freed from her den, can now move up or down as the Transformation process demands.
During those three years, the Kundalini energy intermittently peaked, catapulting me into Higher-Realms-of-Realities. At other times, she kept me functioning at an energy level, which was well beyond what the normal person’s physiology would have been able to tolerate. I was filled with vitality and an exhilarating feeling of ‘aliveness’ that few humans would believe possible. Thankfully, I was levelheaded enough to keep a firm footing on my mental terra-firma and not allow myself – in spite of my frequent desire, to retreat into the seduction of the Mystic Sphere.
The ability to establish an Aware contact with our Higher Self is the direct outcome of Self-Realization. And once we surrender totally to our Higher Self, we will always be Aware of IT being with us, as a constant companion and guide. But, we must surrender totally! If we do not, we will not be alert and able to hear our Higher Self’s voice or feel IT’s presence. Our Soul’s voice comes in the form of Intuition, which is the ‘language’ of the Higher Self – our Soul. Intuition arrives suddenly in a flash and then is gone just as quickly. Our Higher Self will communicate to us all we need to know. Our calls will always be answered and our needs fulfilled. We are also guided and aided in how best to respond to the effects of the Kundalini power.
The first answer I received, was that the risen Kundalini power and my Awakening to Self-Realization was benign and for my best interest. I didn’t have a clue why all this was in my best interest or where these events were taking me. However, I knew beyond a doubt that I must surrender in complete trust to Intuition in order to survive the Kundalini onslaught and Self-Realization. My Soul was my only guide and my only deliverance from possible disaster. The only hope I had of successfully dealing with Kundalini’s rampaging energy and with all the changes and effects yet to come. It was only years later that I came to understand that my birth into Self-Realization and the rising of Kundalini were two separate powers – with two separate objectives.
A fully risen Kundalini changes us quickly and dramatically. She works on the Transformation of our physical body. In the beginning we have no control over Her actions. We are completely at the mercy of Her all powerful up and down surges of energy. All we can do is ‘hang on’ until Her energy stabilizes. When out in public I was always on edge, never knowing when sudden, unpredictable body movements placed me in some embarrassing situations. I gradually learned how to gain some control over these Kundalini produced body movements.
I found that if I held on to a solid object, like furniture or a wall, then my body would stabilize and these movements would end. Sometimes these movements occurred during my yogic dancing or meditations. My auric body would begin to float upwards but as soon as I placed my hands on the floor and became ‘grounded’ I would reconnect with my physical body and feel solid again. There were times when my hands would suddenly begin to make graceful movements as if in tune with some far-away music. At other times, the Kundalini current would travel up into the head and cause my ears to begin moving up and down and my eyes to flutter. My scalp would also expand and tighten.
On various occasions, I would suddenly find myself being ‘taken up’ and absorbed into Cosmic Consciousness. When that occurred all desire for where I was going or what I was doing would evaporate. I would then find myself with my thoughts stopped, being directed by the flow of the Cosmic Consciousness. By the time that one becomes Aware of this sudden shift in Consciousness, we might already find our self in a dangerous situation; such as driving the car on the freeway.
When the process of entering Cosmic Consciousness begins, a disconnection with our physical body takes place. The body and it’s present functioning, recedes into the background and is no longer in charge. The body’s reflexes slow down to almost nothing and the body’s survival mechanism withdraws. Slowly, as our Awareness of the Cosmic Consciousness deepens; we begin to lose Awareness of our physical body.
The Kundalini power significantly increases our creative abilities. Our already existing talents and skills will acquire a new depth and originality. Latent artistic capabilities of which we were not Aware, will come to the surface and be revealed. We will spontaneously take up painting, writing and other artistic pursuits. We will be amazed, that without any formal training or even without any former interest in these creative endeavors, we with some practice excel in them. This is because we are Aware of and feel the Higher Guidance that inspires and aids us in creating.
Now we have our footing within two different states of Consciousness. This has added a deeper dimension to our reasoning power and our intelligence. This provides us with an all-encompassing overview, a broader sensitivity and a larger understanding of all situations. We now have the ability to ‘stand back’ from any situation, even our own, allowing us to remain an objective observer with our emotions and thoughts in neutral. We are always able to see ‘both sides of the coin’: therefore, being able to make better judgements.
We might suddenly discover that we have acquired mesmerizing oratory skills and find ourselves able to go before large crowds without fear. The trust in our Higher Self will provide us with all the right words for what we want and need to say: allowing us to speak effortlessly and with confidence. People are very much drawn to us; they find us charismatic and interesting. The opposite sex in particular finds us attractive and exciting. All these new-found attributes of our persona does not feed our ego; it leaves us feeling grateful and humbled.
In the process of our Transformation, the mind is the biggest hurdle to overcome. Most of the changes we make after our Awakening, do not become stabilized and permanent immediately. The Mind fights against most of the deep-seated changes that we try to bring to fruition, because most of these changes are anti-Mind. The Mind does not want to surrender and will fight to retain its domination over us. Most people are dominated by their ego infested Mind. This must be reversed if we are serious about our Transformation. We must bring our ego-Mind under our control. The Mind is not who we are! We are the Beingness that observes the Mind at work.
The Mind functions like a computer and knows only the data that we and others have fed into it. It can only function and communicate with words and is the direct opposite of Intuition. Especially, the infected ego-Mind is a persistent chatter-box that likes excitement. It constantly fills our head with all kinds of desires, fears, what-ifs, fantasies and dramas; this is its life-blood. The Mind has its life only within the lower self-personality and has no existence beyond this border. It can accompany us part of the way during our Transition into the Higher Consciousness by way of the lower self-conscious personality. But once the Higher Consciousness becomes the dominant force, the Mind will recede and play only a small part in our cognitive life. The Mind dies with the physical body and the personality; for it cannot enter the Transcendent Realms.
Ego-Mind works to eliminate peace and stability in our life. It does not seek unity, serenity or harmony; it rejects it. Ego-mind likes to keep us in an unbalanced state for than it can even more easily control us. Sitting quietly and silently will prove this to us. It cannot tolerate being pushed into the background and will begin to assert itself by starting Its roof-brain chatter, thereby, taking control over us again. The ego-Mind likes to separate, dissect and break everything down into minute units of specialization. It compartmentalizes and keeps everything in a separate box. Today’s human beings function in a state of mild insanity – which has now become the norm.
My Transformation still continues but it does so for the most part, in a gentler way. Often, I am aware of the Kundalini energy at work as it moves from one area to another through my body. But I have become accustomed to these continuous alterations being made to the body and no longer pay much attention until it reaches a critical moment in the Transformation process. I am now alerted by an inner ‘knowing’ whenever a major change in my biology is preparing for an important shift. Usually, several months before this shift is ready to materialize, I begin to feel a twinge of ‘sensitivity’ within the heart center and sometimes in the solar plexus. At times, I know intuitively what that change pertains to and will have already been reflecting on it for months before it actually materializes. Most major shifts that happen effect and Transform our body as well as our emotional and intellectual centers. Sometimes we can feel an almost immediate impact within our emotional and intellectual life. At others times there can be quite a gap before the change made is able to be digested and its impact felt on our old way of thinking and responding.
On several occasions, the choice was left up to me whether I wanted to make a change or not. I was ‘asked’ if I was willing to make a specific change now, in order to move on to the next phase of my Evolutionary growth. I normally sense when a change is forthcoming and that most likely it means a “letting go” of someone or a specific situation. Sometimes I sense what this “letting go” is and either try to ignore or postpone the change. However, you will continuously be asked until you accept or the choice is taken out of your hands and your Soul will cause the change to happen. This will usually involve more pain than if you had surrendered to the inevitable and gracefully accepted what had to be.
Once I was asked to make a change that would mean leaving my “middle-age” behind and moving into the fringes of “old-age”: this was not a pleasant prospect to think about. I procrastinated and tried to ignore this message for many months but the message continued coming until I finally consented – only because I knew that I could not move further on my Evolutionary journey until I agreed. And as always, once the thinking stops and the “let-go” is accomplished, all doubts evaporated. I discovered that I had gained freedom by “letting-go” of all the baggage that comes with middle-age. I soon realized that this new stage of life also had its advantages. I was now embarked on a whole new adventure to look forward to. This was a good example of how the ego-Mind interferes when we are faced with the “unknown”.
As soon as I consented, the alterations that occurred to my psyche began to drastically change the course of my life – immediately! It was truly astonishing to see my life change so quickly in the direction of the choice I had made. The changes which our decisions bring, come about without any thoughts or efforts on our part. We have to do nothing except make the decision. All the rest just follows automatically.
There is another important fact regarding our physical Transformation. A Kundalini rising has some very unsettling long-term effects on the body. Of course, everyone is different, but I suspect that others who have experienced Kundalini symptoms have attributed them to some type of serious illness. I had no idea that there was anything strange about my symptoms and my illnesses. Even my doctors believed that all my symptoms actually were due to quite serious problems. Though with time, the doctors always seemed a bit puzzled because the illnesses they diagnosed did not follow their normal course; something always seemed a bit off.
For instance, I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. I had been experiencing and suffering all the symptoms for months. The doctors, however, were puzzled because I did not have an enlarged goiter nor did I have the bulging eyes; both main symptoms of hyperthyroidism. Yet, all my outward symptoms of accelerated heartbeat, hypertension, sweating and trembling and losing weight plus the laboratory work confirmed beyond a doubt that I had hyperthyroidism. I was in such a bad state that the doctors wanted to operate immediately. They were afraid that my heart would give out. Intuitively I refused the operation.
I was put on medications and told that I would have to take them for the rest of my life. I took the medications for about six months. Then one day, quite spontaneously, I decided that I did not want to be on medications for the rest of my life and threw the medicine in the wastebasket. For me ‘that was that’ and I never gave it another thought. All symptoms of hyperthyroidism disappeared. It was gone!
I had several severe bouts of nervous hyperactivity. One such episode sent me to the hospital for three days. I could neither sleep nor sit still. My senses of hearing, sight, and smell as well as my emotions were amplified to such an extent that the outer world had turned into an enemy-of-my-destruction. An uncontrollable surging flow of energy kept me moving up and down the corridors of the hospital. I could not sit or sleep or think rationally. The doctors didn’t know what to do with me. All the medications provided to calm me down were ineffective. I really thought I would go mad if I continued on in this way. Suddenly three days later, just as quickly as the episode began, it disappeared and never came back again.
Over the years there were other diagnosed ‘illnesses’ that followed the same pattern and as always – leaving the doctors puzzled. I instinctively feared the doctors, their treatments and any medications more than the disease. So, I decided to stop consulting doctors and to trust and follow my own “inner-voice” even though some of the “illnesses” where quite worrisome. I had decided it was safer to just let them run their course.
It was only many later years after my Awakening that I was able to put ‘two and two’ together and began to understand all these curious ‘illnesses’. After experiencing the many physical Transformative effects due to the Kundalini Awakening, I came to the conclusion that all these earlier ‘sicknesses’ I experienced were not really sicknesses themselves. What I experienced were only their symptoms! This was similar to getting an injection to prevent a disease and then coming down with a mild case of it.
I concluded that these symptoms came to the surface due to the power of the Kundalini cleansing process. As She cleaned, the body expelled the toxins and the ‘illness’ symptoms were the result. Many of these symptom-illnesses had started and continued over a period of fourteen years prior to the Awakening of Kundalini! Of course, at that time I knew nothing about Kundalini but it shows, that during this period, she was already rising and receding and actively engaged working on the Transformation of my body.
I will relate an incident that occurred to me only recently. I had laser surgery for a cataract removal in one of my eyes. All went well with the surgery and the next morning I began my post-operative treatment. I had to take several medicines and four different eye drops on a rotating basis, throughout the day. In the evening, I took a new eye drop for the first time. Within five or six seconds there began an itching sensation in the palm of my hands. I knew this to be a sign of a slight allergic reaction. I’ve had small reactions to medications before, so I was not alarmed. I laid down on the bed and within a few more seconds the soles of my feet also started itching.
Now I began to take notice; this was not the norm. The itching escalated with lightning speed and I jumped out of bed hoping to walk off the reaction. Walking had usually stabilized earlier allergic reactions I had. I walked over to the open window to breathe some fresh air. Suddenly, a ‘lead ball’ of massive weight and with enormous speed began rushing up the front of my chest. I remember thinking ‘I am in deep trouble’! The ‘lead ball’ reached the area of my heart – and that was the last I remembered. I had gone into anaphylactic shock!
When I woke to Awareness I remember thinking; why is my room looking so strange? After a few seconds of puzzlement, I realized that I was lying on my back on the floor looking up at the ceiling and also became Aware that my head was hurting. It dawned on me than, that I must have become unconscious and fallen backwards onto the floor. It took about ten minutes before I was able to gather my thoughts enough to correctly dial one of my friends who then called my doctor.
When my doctor was notified he was astounded that I had an allergic reaction to eye drops. He said that in more than twenty-years, he had not known anyone to have an allergic reaction to these drops. He insisted that I stay with my friends overnight, in case I had more repercussions from the reaction or from hitting my head. I felt fine the next morning except for a slight feeling of weakness and several days later I had recovered my full strength. Another consequence from the reaction was that my hair began falling out in strands. This continued for several months and then gradually stopped and my hair eventually grew back in.
I found the whole incident extremely curious and interesting. No more than fifteen or twenty seconds passed from the time when the itching began to the time I lost consciousness. I had felt no fear and neither did the body. Throughout the incident until I passed out, I was aware of my feelings, as I watched the occurrence as an objective observer. I first became Aware of its movement as it sprang upwards from the area of my solar plexus and began ascending up my chest. It felt like the size of a fist; an ‘atomic ball’ that contained the weight of the entire world. That ‘lead ball’ puzzled me. What had it really been?
After months of analyzing this incident over and over again, I came to the conclusion that this ‘atomic ball’ had been the life force of the Kundalini. The onset of the anaphylactic shock had triggered Kundalini to rise. She had gathered together all Her energy, which had been dispersed throughout my body, and coalesced It back into this ‘atomic ball’ – which is Her compressed structure. She was on Her way out of my body. If She would have exited my body, my umbilical cord with the material world would have snapped and my body would have ‘died’.
Her atomic structure would then have become my pathway – a dark and speeding supersonic tunnel that carries our Beingness out of this life. At the other end of the tunnel the Immortal Light of my Soul would have been waiting. So, why did Kundalini stop short of leaving my body? In other words, why didn’t my body die? The body didn’t die because I only had the symptoms of an anaphylactic shock! I wasn’t meant to leave this world yet, or I surely, I would have. I feel certain that this episode occurred so I could gain more understanding of the workings of the Kundalini power.
It took many years to reach a stable balance between the lower Self-Conscious state and the Higher Self-Conscious state. To reach that point, I had to climb to the heights of mountain tops and to travel within the depth of deep valleys. Occasional falls occurred but with each fall and the ensuing lessons learned, I became stronger. Later, I came to understand, that these peaks and valleys are essential for helping us to advance further.
The extremes, existing within me, became neutralized and balanced through these ascents and descents. All the loose parts and divided pieces of myself united together into solidity and stability. Nothing is free on the spiritual path – all must be earned through our own efforts!
A divine force shall flow through tissue and cell
And take the charge of breath and speech and act
And all the thoughts shall be a glow of suns
And every feeling a celestial thrill
The Spirit shall take up the human play
This earthly life become the life divine
Sri Aurobindo from his book Savitri